Poison Was The Cure
by Koneko Cain
Summary: The Ghouls are back, and Seto needs the help of half of Domino's most insane band to get the Puzzle back. Except he doesn't care.
1. Chapter 1

Note: New fic, giving Marik and Bakura a chance to maybe stay in character and have some fun, whilst at the same time torment Yami and try to steal his boyfriend.

Warnings: Pharaoh bashing, yaoi, blood/gore, slutty yamis, etc.

Poison Was the Cure – 1, Almost Honest.

The Ghouls were back. In fact, they'd been back for quite a while, but Seto hadn't really cared until now. He'd written them off as a bunch of idiots who liked to wear cloaks and were utterly useless without Malik at the helm. Or Marik. He was never quite sure about that part.

Regardless of their former leader's little schizophrenia problems (which were thankfully solved/less confusing now because the three yamis had been separate people for going on two years), the Ghouls were definitely back. They also seemed to have gotten marginally smarter now that they weren't zombies controlled by Malik's Magic Rod of Evil. This annoyed Seto. What annoyed him more was that the Ghouls had stolen the Sennen Puzzle from Yugi, who had probably just 'given it to them to look at'…again. What annoyed Seto the most, though, was that apparently it was his duty as Yami's boyfriend and most connected person they knew to get it back before the end of the month (next full moon…whatever…), at which point Yami assured him that he would go back to being a spirit. Not by choice, that is. If parted from his Puzzle for any longer than a month he would die. Seto wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that, because Yami tended to nag him a lot and lately he'd been having rather vivid dreams involving creeping up behind the pharaoh with a golf club. He'd usually wake up wondering why on earth he had a golf club in the dream, because he didn't play golf. It would then occur to him that he should feel guilty about the dreams, and that he probably wasn't ideal boyfriend material. Yami, though, was happily oblivious. Or not, because he was getting weaker (and more bitchy) every day without his puzzle and they couldn't get it back. The reason they couldn't get it back was that the Ghouls had cursed them, laughed at them a bit, then promised they'd come after the other Sennen Items shortly.

Seto punched the wall of his office in annoyance then shook his hand because it had hurt quite a bit. He swore, because Yami wasn't around to tell him off about it, and thought about the only way he knew to get around the curse. The next two weeks were going to get very interesting, he suspected.

The curse itself was pathetically simple. The way the head Ghoul (or at least the one on the videotape they'd left) had put it made it sound as though the thing had been thought up by an eight-year-old. The gist of it was that none of the 'good guys', meaning anyone on Yami's side of their whole magic war thing, could hurt any of the Ghouls. They'd tested this by catching one (they were all over Domino, and quite obvious in those purple cloaks) and letting Jounouchi try and punch him. This resulted in Jounouchi breaking his hand and the Ghoul laughing at them and scurrying off. They shortly received another videotape consisting entirely of evil laughter.

There was a way to get around this particular curse, Seto just wasn't sure it was worth it. After all, Yami had been a lot less annoying as a spirit; they'd only seen each other every few weeks when Yugi had lent his darkness his body for the night. They hadn't had much time together, so it was mostly sex without all these annoying conversations about feelings the pharaoh kept trying to drag him into. He wasn't very good at those, because his feelings around Yami were mostly annoyance building to rage and slightly twitchy madness. He hadn't tried punching a Ghoul himself yet, because he suspected he might actually be able to do it, which would mean he wasn't one of the good guys. Seto was trying to keep that possibility at the back of his mind and avoided hurting anyone in a purple cloak.

The way to get around the curse involved two people who violently hated Yami and…most other people, as well. They were evil, sexy, evil, insane, evil and in a band. He'd also been informed that they were not the sort of people he should be seen with by Yami, who'd then glared a bit and walked off, coughing. Apparently the symptoms of Puzzle removal were quite like the flu.

Bakura and Marik. The other two yamis. Half of the band _'Kill, Burn, Destroy'_, voted four people most likely to die of alcohol poisoning by Domino's most popular music magazine. Since they couldn't actually die without someone taking the Sennen Items away from their hikaris, this was very unlikely to happen.

The other two members of the band were Malik, who spent most of his time talking to his guitar and taking lithium, and Otogi, who spent most of _his_ time hiding from people he'd gambled away his soul to and taking Malik's lithium too. Those two weren't going to be much use to him because they were a) far too doped up on Malik's meds to be of any use, and b) not technically bad guys. They were on that fuzzy in-between line that Seto himself was currently hovering over. Marik and Bakura, though…. Those two spent their nights weighing rival bands down with chains and throwing them in Domino harbour. They could drink anyone on the planet under the table and still be (just) coherent enough to stab them afterwards. They had a band that quite a lot of people in Domino liked (or at least talked about in awe…), but no record deal because their managers kept disappearing. These two were the only people who could get the Puzzle back, and Seto had to be the one to ask because Yami was in bed sniffling. Besides, the last time Bakura had walked into a room with Yami in it he'd screamed like an animal and launched himself at the pharaoh without hesitating. It had taken six people to hold Bakura back, and all the while he'd been screaming Egyptian curses that only Marik, Malik and Yami understood. Judging by how wide even Marik's eyes were, they must have been quite inventive.

So, to work. Seto knew the club where _Kill, Burn, Destroy_ played because most decent people in Domino city avoided it like the plague. He'd been there a few times, though it had nothing to do with watching Marik beating the drums like he really hated them and Bakura playing his guitar while he swore at the crowd (who loved it) in his strange, ancient Egyptian accent. Nothing to do with that at all.

Calling his limousine to meet him in front of the house, Seto stood up, closed his laptop and headed out of his plush office to his bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he looked inside to see if Yami was asleep so that he could use the excuse 'I didn't want to wake you' to avoid talking to him.

"Where are you going?" The Game King's deep voice asked. He had the same strange accent as Bakura, it had come with the bodies. But, where Yami's voice was far too deep for his small form, Bakura's was girlish, evil and able to pull off screams in his music that should probably have made his throat bleed.

"To find someone to get your Puzzle back." Seto told Yami honestly, hoping the game king wouldn't ask who.

"Who?" Yami inevitably asked, and Seto felt his eye twitch.

"Bakura and Marik."

Yami sat bolt upright in bed and looked at Seto as though he were insane.

"Are you mad? Firstly those two will never help me, and secondly even if they do they'll probably go on a huge killing spree and then keep the puzzle!" The pharaoh ranted. These things had occurred to Seto, but it was a last resort and he couldn't really bring himself to care that much anyway.

"If you come up with a better idea feel free to inform me at any time." Seto growled, already thinking about golf clubs.

"How am I supposed to defend myself against them like this? You're not seriously going to bring them back here, are you?" Yami glared.

_Cry me a river,_ Seto thought. "It's this or wait two weeks and die. If you stay very quiet they'll never know you're here." Seto suggested, wondering if Yami really would shut up for once. Before the king of games could think up a reply to that one Seto slipped back out and closed the door, feeling the muscles in his arm twitch as he restrained the urge to just slam it as hard as he could and then kick it for good measure. Taking a few calming breaths and waiting for the eye twitch to stop, the CEO glared briefly at the door to his and Yami's room then headed off down the stairs to go and hire a pair of psychopaths to do horrible things to some Ghouls.

TBC

There will be blood, bad language, heavy metal, yaoi, evil slutty yamis and more pharaoh bashing in this fic. What's not to love?


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This is getting posted up now because I have it written, future updates will probably take a little longer.

Poison Was the Cure 2 – Psycho Circus

The bartender had made a sign of the cross over his chest and pointed to the back room when he'd asked where the band might be found. This was probably not a good thing, Seto surmised. The club was full of people dancing, fighting or both, and the band had just finished their set for the night. Seto could tell because there were quite a few injured people lying around, getting trampled by the dancers. The music Bakura wrote tended to cause riots, but these people didn't seem to mind very much.

He made his way through the throng of Domino's most dangerous citizens and to the door to the back room, which he knocked on and opened. After the smoke cleared and he could see, he stepped inside and didn't even flinch as a dart hit the wall an inch from his head.

"Shit! Fuck! Sorry man," Otogi giggled, holding two more darts and half a bottle of tequila.

"You fucking missed, my turn." Malik snatched the darts away from Otogi, aimed at Seto and then fell off his chair before he could do anything more. Seto was quite relieved, but just continued scowling because it tended to get him thought most situations and this was a tough one.

"Pills." An accented voice said from the shadows near the back of the room, behind all the band's equipment. A very much tattooed, tanned arm shot out and threw a bottle of pills at Otogi, who completely failed to catch them. While Otogi picked up the bottle, opened it and tried to wrestle some of Malik's pills down his throat, Seto watched the arm retreat back into the darkness. One of the tattoos was a huge scorpion, another was a zombie with an axe.

"Did you want something?" Otogi asked, sitting on Malik's chest, since the Egyptian now seemed to be out cold. There was a rather fresh-looking dent in the black and white bass next to the dice player, and Seto suspected that had something to do with it.

"Marik and Bakura." Seto answered, and Otogi gestured over his shoulder into the darkness.

"They're lurking back there somewhere. Probably fucking." Otogi said. His hair was down and he had another stripe on the opposite cheek from the one he already had, making him look like Alice Cooper had done his makeup. It was actually a good look for him.

"Right." Seto replied, because what was he supposed to say to that? Unsure as to whether he should go back there or not, the CEO stood still and watched Otogi grab Malik's ankles and drag him out the back of the club, closing the door behind him with a little wave. Seto wondered what Otogi was going to do to Malik, and then decided he didn't want to know and it was best to leave well alone.

Before he could say anything along the lines of 'this was a bad idea, bye', a ghostly white arm broke out of the thick darkness this time and a long finger hooked, gesturing for him to come closer. Despite the fact that his instincts were telling him he should run away very fast, Seto kept his scowl in place and stalked into the darkness.

"What the fuck do you want?" Bakura asked casually, the words a hiss dipped in his odd, ancient accent. The thief was draped across Marik's lap, watching him upside-down. His long, white hair was hanging down and he was smoking a cigarette, vivid red eyes following Seto like a hawk. Marik, on the other hand, didn't seem to care what was going on. His arms were covered in tattoos now to match his back and his skin was shining with sweat from beating the living hell out of his drum kit during the set. In one hand he held a bar of chocolate and in the other a bottle of whiskey with almost none left in it.

"I need your help." Seto began, wondering exactly how he should word this.

"Does it involve killing someone?" Bakura asked hopefully, which was damn near terrifying and at the same time sexy as all hell.

"If you like." Seto shrugged, not really caring if the two of them happened to do away with a few Ghouls. Marik looked at him, his interest apparently caught.

"Go on," The tattooed Egyptian gestured with his bottle, breaking off a square of the chocolate and feeding it to Bakura, who licked his fingers like a cat and kept his eyes on Seto. Now why didn't Yami ever do random unnecessarily sexy things like that?

"The Ghouls are back." He started.

"We noticed." Bakura purred, because not much got past the two of them.

"They stole something and I want it back." Seto growled, annoyed because he didn't actually care that much if they got the puzzle back and they were sexy and why the hell was he doing this?

"The Sennen Puzzle." Marik said, his own accent different to Bakura's and his voice deeper.

"Yes," Seto blinked, quite surprised that they already knew and wondering why they hadn't just gone and stolen it from the Ghouls already.

"Pharaoh will die without it, why should we retrieve it for you?" Bakura watched him with dangerous red eyes, turning over on Marik's lap so that he was the right way up.

"You'd get to kill Ghouls."

"We can do that anyway, without helping anyone." Marik pointed out, draining the last of the whiskey and casually tossing the bottle aside, where it shattered on the concrete floor.

"Yami would owe you."

"Tempting… keep going." Bakura licked his lips like a snake.

"I'll give you anything you need to get the job done."

"I like that, but you can do better." Marik smirked.

"I'll sign your band, and you can stay at the mansion and annoy Yami until you get his stupid puzzle back." Seto growled, clenching his teeth because he was trying not to give away the fact that he Did Not Care.

Marik and Bakura looked at each other wickedly, and the thief leant up to bite another piece of chocolate off the bar Marik held.

"Alright, but we might keep the Puzzle when we get it back." Bakura smirked.

"Whatever. Be at my mansion tomorrow morning, I'll get you whatever you need." Seto turned around, ready to walk out. As he left without saying anything further, he heard Bakura say something along the lines of 'there's something much better than the Puzzle to steal…'

Marik's evil laughter echoed in his mind all the way back to his mansion, and when he looked at Yami sleeping on his bed he kept seeing Bakura's eyes watching him. This, he decided, was going to get eventful.

TBC


End file.
